One and Done?
by chezchuckles
Summary: When Castle asks Kate to have a heart-to-heart with his daughter about relationships, Beckett discovers more than he really wanted her to know about himself. COMPLETE. Now broken into chapters for easier reading.
1. Chapter 1

One and Done?

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><p>How had Kate Beckett gotten here?<p>

Castle had looked at her with that serious face, his body strung with tension in his chair beside her desk, and she had given in. It wasn't Kate Beckett's place to have a talk with Richard Castle's daughter, not her place at all, but Alexis had come to her one time before, and Castle needed some parental reassurance.

So here she was. Sitting with Alexis in a deep corner of a coffee house close to the station, warming her fingers on a cup of black coffee, while Alexis nervously sipped at her hot chocolate and wiped whipped cream from her upper lip. With a napkin. Which she carefully smoothed out and placed on the armrest for later use.

Right, like Alexis, perfect Alexis, needed any kind of talking to whatsoever. Kate shook her head with a sigh and pulled her knees up into the chair, pushing her sock-clad toes into the side of the cushion. Alexis still had her shoes on, but had settled back into her seat as well.

It would be best to just jump right into this.

"How was school, Alexis?" Kate was pleasantly surprised at the softness in her voice, the hesitance. Because of course, this was no interrogation. But she knew she had a tendency to be blunt, hard even, when she was uncomfortable.

"Just fine." Alexis smiled at her, as if waiting, then filled the awkward gap when Kate drew a blank. "My Calculus teacher made us do a bunch of theoretical problems about a cat. He hates cats. Most of the time, in the problems, the cat gets into some fatal accident."

Kate smiled at the way Alexis rolled her eyes and let her grip ease off her coffee. "Your dad says you've narrowed down your college choices."

"Yeah! I'm so excited! My boyfriend and I are going to the same school-or well, we're trying to."

"That's uh-nice." Kate scraped a fingernail along the pad of her thumb and forced herself to come out with it. "Um, actually, your dad asked me to talk to you about that a little bit."

Immediately, Alexis went still. Her very blue eyes, her father's eyes, zeroed in on Kate's with a level of quiet patience and concentration that the detective hadn't seen in a teenager before. Alexis had folded her hands and left them in her lap, her body ramrod straight against the back of the armchair.

Serious talk mode. Not defensive, not yet anyway, but intelligent, keen, ready to pick apart Kate's every comment.

She would have to be a lot more careful than she'd thought.

"One time I told your father that I was a 'one and done' kind of girl." Kate bit at her lip, then smoothed her tongue over the chapped place. She refolded her hands over her coffee cup. "One is it for me. No divorce, no second and third marriages. And your father says you're that kind of girl as well."

Alexis closed face seemed to clear a little, some animation coming back to her eyes, but she said nothing.

"So he asked me to talk to you about that-about what it means to be that kind of person. About. . .about what a relationship like that looks like."

"I think I know what that looks like." Alexis said softly.

Kate adjusted her body further back into the seat, watching Alexis and trying to plan her next line. "Maybe so. I think your father is afraid that he hasn't set that good an example-in that regard." She took a sip of coffee and nestled it against her chest. "One thing Cast-your father said was that he wants you to finish school. No matter what."

"I will, of course." Alexis gave her a confused eyebrow, as if to say _No duh_. "I'm not running off to get married. Ash and I are-well, we're not stupid."

"Look, Alexis," Kate sighed. She would just have to jump right in there. No more dancing around it. "When I was a sophomore in college, my mother was killed. While my dad and I were at dinner, she was stabbed in an alley-" Kate shrugged one shoulder, struggling to keep her emotions out of this. "I was 20. I was-different after that, to put it mildly. I switched majors. Literature to criminology. I went to the police academy. My whole life's purpose was altered irrevocably. My boyfriend at the time didn't understand. He was there for me as best he could be. But I was different. We were different. And it wouldn't work."

"I'm sorry," Alexis said softly.

Kate flashed her a half-smile. "That's not exactly what this is about. High school seems to be the whole world. I felt like I was set, like I knew everything. But people change. Not just the other person, but you as well. Some grow apart, some take a different path-or like me, something happens to you that changes the way you see the world. You don't mean to, you never wanted to, but you look at the person you're with and you realize, I can't do this. I can't be the person I was."

Alexis leaned forward to touch the detective's knee, her face tight with compassion. "Kate, I know my father wanted you to talk to me about this, but you don't have to. I know you're a private person."

"No," Kate reached down to squeeze her hand. "It's fine. Your dad is concerned because he's your dad. But me-I don't want to see you limited by anything, Alexis. You're a smart woman, with potential-" Kate fluttered her hand in the air, uncertain how to explain without sounding like some kind of high school guidance counselor. "I'm not your mom. I'm not as cool as your grandmother. But I feel like this is stuff I would've wanted someone to tell me when I was your age. Not that I think you shouldn't trust the relationship you're in, but just-I don't know-make sure you get the full college experience when you're there. Don't *not* do something just because of your boyfriend. Don't limit yourself."

When she finally looked up at Alexis, the girl had a wide and beaming smile, leaning in close to Kate like she wanted to hug her. Kate leaned back, an old instinct, and Alexis smiled even more, her heart in her eyes. It was almost too much.

"Tell Dad the message came through loud and clear. Ash and I are serious, yes, but I'm not looking to marry him-at least not until after college, right? And I won't let it go to my head. I'll remember what you said, Kate, about how we end up different people."

Kate nodded, relieved to have that over with, the pressure of intimacy off her chest. She wasn't sure why she'd agreed to do this for him, except that she did know exactly what Castle was worried about, and it happened to girls around the country-giving up their own dreams to follow a man, or limiting their experiences because of a relationship. She knew that. But Alexis was smart, and no-nonsense, and surely Kate hadn't needed to share quite so much?

"Can I share something with you, Kate?"

Kate's head came up in disbelief-and a little panic. She wasn't sure she could be the bearer of any more of Alexis's secrets. They had talked before, at Alexis's request of course, and it was great fun to tease Castle with the things he didn't know, but relationship-boy stuff? She wasn't a parent.

"Go ahead," she said softly, because what else was she supposed to say?

"When I was really little, like three I think, before Dad and Meredith divorced-" Alexis paused, taking a sip of hot chocolate. She looked like she was debating the wisdom of her next words.

Kate realized that Alexis was calling her mother by her given name, and that was so foreign to her. Their two mother-daughter relationships were completely different, but they must both miss having a mom. Kate eased forward in her chair and waited for Alexis to find her train of thought again.

"This might sound dumb," Alexis apologized with a blush. "But I was little and I didn't know better. My mother is a pretty good actress, in her own way, you know?"

Kate nodded, not having really spent much time with Meredith.

"She puts on a really great show. She put on a great show for me back then, when I was really little. I loved the way she smelled, all her make-up and her beautiful clothes. I would put her shoes on and try to walk around her room. I would hide in her closet, waiting for her to come find me."

"I did the same thing with my mom," Kate said softly. "She would sit me down at her vanity table and put blush on my cheeks and lipstick on my mouth."

Alexis gave her a sad smile. "I wasn't supposed to touch it. I didn't, either. I wanted to be perfect for her. She smiled and it was just-" Alexis heaved a sigh and rolled her eyes at herself. "She was on tours, or in a play, and she'd wake up around eleven and start getting ready. She'd be at the theatre rehearsing or performing until late. Dad and I would do our normal, every day stuff-like the park, or the library, or building forts."

"I bet your Dad was a lot of fun," Kate said, filling Alexis's sudden silence.

"He was. He is," Alexis said with a genuine grin. "He'd put me to bed and tell me the most amazing stories. I never meant to, but I'd always fall asleep. I wanted to wait up for my mother, but I never could make it."

Alexis sipped her hot chocolate and stopped meeting Kate's eyes. "Meredith would come home late after the play with all of her favorites from the cast, mostly the men-" Here, she rolled her eyes. "-And the sound of the door opening was like my alarm clock. I would wake up the moment I heard the door click, sit up in bed in the darkness, and wait."

Kate watched her pick at the sleeve of her sweater, seeing in Alexis all the tells of someone with a soul to unburden. She was afraid of where this was going.

"Dad had a rule that I wasn't allowed out of bed during naptime or bedtime; I was supposed to be sleeping. So I was good, and patient, and I waited. And Dad would always come into my room and get me, take me out into the living room to see my mother. He'd creep to the door and softly call my name, as if he thought I'd be asleep. He'd pick me up and carry me downstairs to see my mother and to meet all of her friends."

"That must have been fun-getting up in the middle of the night and hanging out with everyone."

Alexis smiled widely, but her heart wasn't in it. "It really was. Like a party every night. Mother would have me sit right beside her and she would talk to me and tell me about her performance and how the audience was. Sometimes Grams reminds me of my mother."

"I'm glad you had that time with her," Kate said softly, cutting into the silence again. "It's good to have those memories."

"One night, I heard the door open and I sat up in bed and I waitd. I waited a long time. At least, I thought it was a long time back then. It was probably only a few minutes. But I wanted so badly to be with my mother that I broke the rules and got out of bed. I crept down the hall and sat in the shadows of the doorway, watching. I was going to make an entrance, I thought, just like mother talked about."

Alexis was picking at her cup now, scratching her fingernail into the carrying sleeve. Kate felt uncomfortable listening to her rose-colored memories, certain something painful was in the offering.

"I saw Dad arguing with her. I only paid attention because he was talking about me. 'At least let her say goodnight' he said. 'Alexis has been looking forward to this all night.' I was knew this was my moment, but I didn't move. I didn't show myself. Instead I heard my mother say that she didn't want to me out there with her, that she was embarassed for them to see me."

Kate caught her breath, reaching out a hand in reflex, catching hold of Alexis's fingers to squeeze them. "Alexis-"

But the girl shook her off with a smile, a soft one, but a smile nonetheless. "At the time, I thought it was because of my orange hair. Mother had said something earlier to me, I guess, about my hair. I know it doesn't make sense-Meredith's hair is red too, but I guess I didn't see it like that. And I think I remember a kid on the playground teasing me. But I just knew she didn't want all her friends to see that her daughter had orange hair, that she was embarassed by it. I don't remember the words she said, but I remember knowing exactly what she meant."

"I'm sure that's not it, Alexis."

"I know that now. But I stayed there in the doorway, in the shadows, stuck. I didn't feel like I could go in there after that. But I couldn't go back to bed without her. I didn't move. Later, Dad found me in the hallway and he said 'There's my little pumpkin,' and it was like he was proud of me, of my orange hair. And I knew that it was okay, because Dad would always come get me."

"Did you go say goodnight to your mom?"

"No. Dad took me back to bed. They got divorced very soon after that, I think. For a long time, I thought they split because of my orange hair."

"Alexis-"

She gave Kate a grin. "Of course I know better now." She leaned back, her elbows on the arms of the chair now instead of her knees. "But I saw then that Meredith was playing a part, the part of my mother, just as she played all these other parts. When she was in her element, she was wonderful, and exciting, and she smelled so good and had such beautiful clothes. But when she was playing a different part, like my dad's wife, or the diva, or the struggling off-off-Broadway actress-well those parts didn't include being a mom."

Kate let the silence stretch out, waiting for the point that Alexis was trying to get to. As beautiful and engaging as Alexis was, she was also shy and private-and Kate knew the story had been for a reason and not just to even the sharing score.

"But you-" Here Alexis stuttered and blushed, raising her eyes for a moment and dropping them. "You don't play any parts. You're straightforward. So when you say something, I know you mean it. And I know that you care what happens to me. And that's-that's. . ."

Kate's stomach clenched tightly against the neediness in Alexis's eyes. She hadn't even thought-hadn't seen this coming.

"This is the closest I've had to a mom in a long time." Alexis bit her lip and laughed at herself even as she said it, then stood and walked off to dump her cup in the trash can.

Kate was a little panicked but she couldn't let that go. She followed the girl, and when Alexis turned back around, Kate was there to envelop her in a tight hug. "You deserve much better than me, but I'm honored."

Alexis laughed, but hugged her back, intense, and they broke apart after a moment, both of them embarassed.

"Well-" Kate said, and gestured towards their armchairs. "Ready to give up our good seats and head back?"

"Yeah." Alexis seemed grateful that the awkwardness was over and ran to get her backpack and coat. Kate followed and grabbed her own things, still a little shell-shocked by the girl's confession. She didn't know how she had managed to get so wrapped up in Castle's life, but now. . .now how could she possibly extricate herself?

She'd spent this time trying to impress upon his daughter the idea that people changed, that they wanted different things, or found their lives affected in ways they couldn't have imagined, and yet she had never believed Castle capable of that change. But Castle was a father, a good father, who had gone from partying playboy to playing with his daughter at home. And hadn't he said that Meredith had cheated on him? At one time, she'd sort of assumed it was because he'd done the cheating first. Instead, it sounded like he'd settled down, tried to make a life for his daughter, while Meredith continued on like nothing had happened.

She wondered why he rarely let anyone see it. She wondered if he was more like herself than she'd expected-so defensive, so ready to assume that people would disappoint, that they'd closed themselves off. The secret Rick Castle. Hadn't she discovered more of the real him in the last few years?

And yet Castle still hadn't proved himself to her. Had he?


	2. Chapter 2

He was nervous. Asking Beckett to have a talk with his daughter about slowing things down with her boyfriend was kind of like asking a wolf to guide a lamb. Wasn't it? She liked to mess with his head, keep him guessing, and he really should have someone talk to his daughter who was more likely to back him up.

But he didn't have anyone else. He had her. Detective Beckett, who was pissed at him for being in the company of his ex one day and then dating a biker/underwear model the next. Detective Beckett, who liked to tease him with that low and sultry voice when he was least expecting it. Detective Beckett, who he had to admit, he was probably stupidly in love with at least half the time.

The rest of the time, he was confused.

Bewildered.

Because she just didn't make any sense. And wasn't that some of the attraction? The way she escaped him? The psyche behind Kate Beckett was keeping up at night, making him lose sleep as he fought Nikki Heat onto the page, wrestled the character into submission only to find her running away from him in the next chapter. His first two novels with Nikki Heat had gone through enormous rewrites, changes, last minute edits. He was pleased with the first one, only to discover he'd written himself into a corner for the second.

No one actually wanted the guy to get the girl, not when the girl was an ass-kicking, independent woman who didn't need anyone. Maybe, when he was ready to finish this series, he'd let them have a happily ever after, but not before. Not in the first book. He should've known better.

But Nikki was begging for it. No, that wasn't the truth. Kate was. Well, that wasn't true either. Richard Castle himself was begging for it. He had gotten in his own way, tried to mate fire and ice, and so his second novel had to neatly separate them again.

And now what? He was already weary with the same arguments. Nikki Heat wanted to be free, and Rook wanted Nikki. And maybe a Pulitzer. As those two things battled it out in Rook's life, Castle had his own battles-namely watching Kate Beckett simper and twirl her hair over some tight-shirt-wearing GQ motorcycle boy. It was disgusting. And motorcycle boy was a doctor. Even worse.

Kate hadn't told him. He realized this was what he found most disconcerting. After hearing from his mother that the reason Alexis had said nothing to him about her boyfriend, Ashley, was because it was truly serious-after that revelation, turning around to discover that Kate Beckett had similarly said nothing-

It made his stomach hurt. With Demming, hadn't she said to him that she didn't want to make it uncomfortable for him? As if she knew good and well Rick was infatuated with her and didn't want to rub it in his face. Nice. Lovely.

He wanted this woman, and she wanted to tiptoe around his fragile feelings.

But she was probably right. And he had just spent the better part of a day trying to convince Beckett to warn his own daughter away from men like himself. So in all fairness, Beckett should be staying away from him too.

If he could just be certain that ditching the ride-along would not also cause Beckett to stop taking his calls, then he would let her go free. But he couldn't. He needed to see her at least twice a week. He was constantly catching himself thinking of new ways to make her smile. He just craved the challenge, the stimulation, the excitement of Kate Beckett. He didn't really need to follow her around to write Nikki Heat, but he couldn't imagine *not* following her around to write Nikki Heat.

Honestly, Kate was safe. She'd never take him up on his dirty suggestions because she was the 'one and done' type. And everyone knew that Rick Castle was the 'one night stand' type. Or as she called it, the 'if at first you don't succeed.' So she was safe. And he could stare at her while she worked to his heart's pitiful content.

"Castle!"

He dropped his feet in surprise and stood up, brushing imaginary dirt from her desk as he turned to face her. Alexis trailed in her wake.

He held out his arms and grinned. "Sweetie, what are you doing here?"

Alexis hugged him back but frowned up at him from under his arm. "Don't act like you don't know. Kate told me you put her up to that little talk."

Rick swallowed hard and shot a murderous look to Kate. "Alexis, it's just for-"

Alexis hugged him harder, cutting off his words. "I know, Dad. And I'm grateful you care so much. You always have. Just let me have my senior year, okay? When college starts, then I'll make a case for Ash and you can worry all you like."

This wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear, but he'd get the details from Beckett later. "Alexis, I know what boys like him are after-I was a boy like him-and I just-"

"Daddy, the reason I like him so much is because he's like you. Can you just give it a break for awhile?"

Now that scared him. He lifted a frozen, gaping-mouthed look to Beckett, who only shrugged at him, and tried not to let that bit of news blow up in his face like a sharpnel grenade. "For right this moment, sure. Until I get the rest out of the detective. Now head on home, okay? It will take me a few minutes here."

"You don't need to stay, Castle-"

"If you think that will get you off the hook, think again, my friend." Rick shot her a dirty look and walked his daughter to the elevator. "Alexis, I just don't want to see you get stuck with something just because-" He sighed. He'd been over this before. "I don't want to see you get hurt either."

"I know, Dad. But it's got to happen sooner or later."

"Later. I pick much, much later." Rick squeezed her arm and let her get into the waiting lift. "See you at home for dinner?"

"Yeah. See if you can make Kate come?" she asked, cocking her head as the elevator doors began to close. "Please?"

He waggled his fingers, but didn't make any promises. When the elevator was gone, he walked back to Kate's desk.

"What exactly did you tell her?"

Beckett didn't look up from her paperwork. "I don't think I should tell you."

"Beckett-"

"It was a girl talk, Castle."

"I swear, Kate Beckett, if you don't tell me-"

She finally looked up at him and revealed the mirth hidden in her eyes. "How about this? I'll tell you about our conversation, if you'll clear something up for me."

He regarded her warily, wondering what his daughter might possibly have said. He went with suggestive humor, his old standby. "Okay, yes, commando most of the time. But today, just for kicks, boxer briefs."

She rolled her eyes. "Be serious, Castle."

"As a heart attack. Want to see? They're black with smiley faces."

"Castle." She gave him the death stare, waiting for his idiotic grin to shrivel. "I'll tell you about our talk; you tell me something I'm curious about."

He debated for a second, half a second, and foolishly agreed. "You got it."

"You first. I want to know the story behind stealing the police horse and riding it naked."

He sat back. So she'd done the math, then, or maybe looked up the details in the old police report, despite the charges being dropped. Had she reasoned out that Alexis was about nine months old at the time? Most likely. Had she figured out that was the next to last arrest on his record? Most likely. Had she also discovered that was the last time he'd been publicly intoxicated-arrested or not?

Most likely.

"Alexis doesn't even know this story, not fully." Rick watched her as he released that first, small fact. He wondered if she could be put off.

Her face cleared, as if he'd settled something for her. And then he realized that he had just confirmed for her that the arrest involved Alexis, in some way, at least in his mind. And it did. Damn, she was good.

"She was 9 months old at the time of your arrest," Kate said firmly. Excellent, expert interrogator. She really was. He was fascinated even while he was frustrated with himself for revealing so much.

"The next incident in your record is a charge for contempt of court, on top of resisting arrest. Looks like you paid a fine. That was about two and a half years after the naked on a police horse thing."

"About." Castle realized he'd stopped meeting her eyes, classic guilty look, and tried to focus again.

"Around that same time, you were in court proceedings to divorce your wife and gain custody of Alexis."

"True."

"Tell me the story about the horse-before and after."

Yes, she had figured it out. Castle watched the knowing tilt of her mouth and tried to summon righteous indignation, but he felt mostly deflated. If she was on this path, then Alexis had said something to her which sparked it. And what could Alexis have possibly said?

"You'll tell me what you and Alexis talked about?"

"I will." She waited, staring him down until he bowed his head to look at the desk.

The horse. "I was drunk."

"I know."

He had hoped to make this as painless as possible. "I was out with Meredith and some of the cast from her play. They'd struck the set, play was closing up, everyone was drinking, bar hopping. We went through Central Park. I had money then, of course, and Mere liked to put on these elaborate moveable feasts-mostly bar hopping. Alexis was at home with my mother."

He tapped his fingers on her desk, but Kate said nothing. "Nine months old. Our lives had changed very little, except maybe we partied longer or harder because so many people wanted to see us there, wanted pictures of our drunken escapades. Meredith was trying to prove she hadn't lost it and I was trying to prove I hadn't lost her."

He hated to see censure in her eyes whenever he talked about this wild living. But this time, when he looked up, her face was impassive, poker-player perfect. No censure. No judgment, just the waiting game. And he was suddenly so grateful to her for talking to his daughter, who meant everything to him, his life, and Kate Beckett had seen that and accepted it and now had figured him out a little. But that was fine; he could deal with Kate Beckett's interrogation so long as she helped his daughter.

"You know, back then Meredith still called her 'the baby.'" He tried out a self-deprecating grin, but he knew it fell flat. And not at all funny. "'Ricky, go get the baby. Why does the baby keep crying? Is the baby asleep yet?'" So not funny.

Castle rubbed his temples and wished he didn't have to do this right now. This was sensitive stuff. More so because he knew that Kate's own father had fallen into the deep pit of alcoholism and barely made it back alive. So she was touchy about parental neglect already. "There was a big group of us and we were in Central Park-" He made a gesture as if that encompassed the whole of the event. "I was drunk. Mere was drunk. It looked like fun. Mere said she'd go skinny-dipping in the fountain if I would, so I stripped and she had my clothes and then the police officer came up. And well-I made a spectacle out of it. The police officer was talking to Meredith, the horse was right there."

Castle laughed and shook his head at himself. It had been fun, actually. He felt ashamed of it in his better moments, but honestly, no harm no foul, right?

"After I was arrested, I called Mother to make bail for me and get me out. No problem. She was regaling the officers as they brought me to the front; she can charm a snake. They were laughing, letting her flirt, and I took her arm and pushed her out of there because I was stone cold sober by that time."

What an ass he'd been. Deliciously sexy and funny an ass, if he did say so himself, but an ass still.

"I asked if Mere was at home with Alexis and Mother looked at me funny. 'Of course not' she said. 'I haven't seen Meredith. The baby's asleep at home.' And I felt like she'd punched me in the gut. When the taxi dropped us off, I couldn't even wait long enough for the elevator. I took the stairs at a sprint while Mother yelled after me that Alexis was fine, she was sleeping, what kind of trouble could a 9 month old get into?"

Beckett, ever the proper interrogator, said nothing, held nothing in her eyes. No recriminations, no sympathy. He had to assume she was appropriately appalled.

"When I got to the apartment, my hands were shaking so badly, I kept dropping my keys. I got inside just as Mother came off the elevator. She wasn't exactly sober herself, but she kept telling me that she'd done this to me as a baby all the time, that it was just what people did in her time."

He was so wrapped up in the memory of that night, that stone cold sober night, that it took Kate's prompting to get him going again. "Obviously, Alexis was okay."

"Yeah, she was still asleep. I had to turn on the light to make sure, and when I did, she scrunched up in her sleep and mashed her nose into the mattress before turning her head, sighing a little, but she stayed asleep. I turned the light off and Mother was looking at me like I was crazy. Meredith didn't come home that night, but it didn't matter to me anymore."

"But that's what did it," Beckett said firmly, as if she already knew, as if she'd already figured it out.

"That's what did it," he admitted, sighing loudly. "I haven't really drunk much since. I mean, I still imbibe-" At this he laughed a little, flourishing his toothiest grin for a reaction from her. "But I don't let myself get drunk. Mother didn't baby-sit Alexis again until the girl was nine. In her more honest moments, she's ashamed of it I think, but you'll never get that out of her. Becaue then it would mean she ought to feel even worse about me, and she can't go there or it would never stop."

How had this turned into a discussion of his mother's faults? It wasn't like he hadn't already dealt with those and moved on. He'd undergone his share of therapy. He knew what it was-deflecting the blame. He sighed. "But for me, that was it. It was going to have to be different. Because I could fend for myself to some extent, but this little baby-this amazing little girl-she needed me."

"You stayed home with her after that. No more naked riding a horse. No more drinking, partying."

He nodded, fingering the edge of her desk with his nail, then leaned back in the chair to look at the ceiling. "Some partying. Some drinking." He lifted his eyes to her and smiled a little cocky smile.

"You let Meredith go out and party, but you would stay home with Alexis. And then you got divorced."

Did that sound like disbelief in her voice? "I already told you this. You knew this. She was cheating on me."

_Because you chose to be a parent to your daughter._

The words were unspoken, but he felt them radiating in the air between them. He tossed a glance to Kate and saw the truth of that. He hadn't really ever looked at it that way, but it was true. Meredith's affairs started soon after that. He'd looked the other way mostly, until he had solid proof. Without proof of her infidelity, she'd have gotten a lot more of his money. But most importantly, she'd have gotten Alexis.

"Maybe next time you can tell me about the contempt of court charge."

"After you tell me about your talk with Alexis."

He expected her to back out, but she didn't. She sat with him and answered all of his questions, explaining carefully what she'd said and what Alexis had said back. He waited for the part where Alexis tipped her off about Castle's lifestyle change, and it took awhile, but she waited until the end to bring it out.

She shared the story of the little girl waiting in the dark hallway for her mother to come bring her out into the light of the living room. And how it had been her father instead, who had shielded her and made her feel safe and loved and wanted, and then put her back into bed and kissed her goodnight-from that night on.

He was surprised by the way that made his throat close up and he tried to deflect it by considering Alexis instead. "Ahh, I never once thought she hated her hair color. Never occurred to me."

"She knows better now." Beckett was watching him, waiting for something. "Why did you call her pumpkin, then? I thought that sounded too perceptive for Richard Castle."

He laughed, grateful for the chance to dispel the knot forming in his throat. "Because it was after midnight, and the fairy godmother had gone, and the ball was over. Cinderella was back at home, left in the ash and cinders, while her wicked stepmother and stepsisters celebrated their achievements at the ball. So I called her pumpkin and put her back to bed."

When he glanced up, it was just in time to see Kate swipe at her eyes. He'd made *her* tear up? Well then. . .that was something.

"Castle-" Kate paused, shaking her head as if to dispel an unpleasant image. "You're a good father. No matter what-" She shrugged and rubbed a hand down her face, and suddenly he saw how tired she looked, how raw.

"Thank you," he said softly, and forgot himself as he leaned forward into an impulsive hug. She was stiff and he should've broken it off, but he was just so grateful she had seen the need and talked with his daughter, grateful even that she saw, somehow, what he'd given up for his daughter. Which he'd never really call giving up, or sacrificing, because he had a great life, a wonderful kid, but sometimes the acknowledgement that he'd made a change for Alexis, and that it had been the right thing to do, just knowing that someone else appreciated that-

"Any time, Castle," and she broke away from him. He was awkwardly crouched over her now, and feeling ridiculous, so he stood up the rest of the way and stepped back from her desk, giving her space.

"So, awkward transition nonwithstanding, Alexis asked me to please make you eat dinner witih us tonight. She did actually beg. That's not just me being pitiful."

Kate laughed and placed her hands on her desktop. "Thanks, Castle, but I have a lot of paperwork."

"Okay, now I'll beg too. Please?"

She shook her head, not looking at him anymore.

"How about this, Kate? I'll tell you the story about the contempt of court charge on the way to my place. How about that?"

Maybe it was using her first name, maybe it really was the promise of another soul-revealing story, but her head lifted and she looked at him seriously.

"Come on. I owe you. Even if Alexis is still head over heels in love with that boy, it helps to know that she has someone responsible to go to for advice. Please? Just dinner. You can leave as quickly-"

"Shut up already, Castle. I'll go."

He grinned widely and reached down to help her up, forgetting himself for a moment, but she actually allowed the faint touch on her elbow all the way to the elevator.


	3. Chapter 3

How, exactly, had he managed to get her here? Not that she was already there, but she was sitting beside him in the cab and feeling the cool plastic of the seat warm beneath her palm as Castle talked. First, she was having a heart-to-heart with his daughter at his request, and now she was going home to dinner with him.

She was dating someone. She was in a relationship. Sure, it wasn't serious-serious, but it wasn't the rebound guy either. Not that there was even a need for a rebound guy, because officially, she and Richard Castle had never been together. So no rebound.

But still. She was here. The city night was enveloping the two of them in this beat-up cab, the October chill had touched them both, and Castle was leaning close to her. As if he was waiting for an opportunity to smell her hair.

_You smell like cherries._

She rubbed the plastic of the seat at her fingertips and remembered his promise. "Castle?"

He paused in his rambling about city drivers and looked to her instead.

"The contempt of court?"

He gave her a sheepish look that told on him. So he thought she might forget? No way. It was the only reason she was in this cab. Castle had secrets. And they were the keys to understanding him.

Alexis had said that her mother was a good actress because she was always playing a part. But Castle himself put on a play when he was in the public eye-and until recently, even the precinct had only seen the play.

Lately she'd begun to see the real Rick Castle. She needed to see more.

"I'm sure you've figured it out, Detective."

In the dark of the cab, she couldn't make out his expression. But his voice was rich and low, and there was sorrow in it.

"It was during your divorce. With Meredith. It was about Alexis?"

He sighed. "Meredith was convinced that she needed Alexis. I hate to say it-but I'm pretty sure she thought it would look bad for her to give up Alexis without a fight. So she fought."

Kate hadn't known that. She'd never even bothered to wonder how a man with Castle's reputation could have possibly gained custody. She figured it was about money. "That must have been hard."

"It was hell. Meredith and I had pretty much gone our separate ways by the time Alexis was two. That story she told you about me carrying her back to bed? Meredith wasn't even living with us anymore."

"Does Alexis know that?"

Another sigh. "Maybe not. It's not like we sit down and rehash the timeline."

"The divorce was final when she was four?"

"Three. Almost four." Rick had turned his head to look out the window, and not at Kate. She wondered what he was remembering. "I had to hire a private detective to get the proof I needed that Meredith was cheating. I had to document her parental neglect. Meredith was pissed."

She heard a faint chuckle, but it rang false. She wondered how humiliating it must have been for him, giving evidence of his wife's unfaithfulness, proving her to be an unfit guardian.

"I was afraid that if Meredith got any custody at all-" Rick bit off the rest of that unflattering statement and sat up a little straighter. "You don't need to know about all of that."

Oh, but she wanted to know. Didn't she? Kate hated how much she yearned to know the darkness surrounding his first marriage. It seemed to her that if she knew why it had spoiled, she might understand how he could have let it go so easily.

But it hadn't been easy. Had it?

"After all of that, all the documentation, all the photos and receipts and travel itineraries-the judge still couldn't seem to stomach the idea of dissolving Meredith's custodial rights. He had me bring Alexis to the court room. I had to let him interview her in his chambers. She had an advocate guardian with her-a woman I put no trust in whatsoever-because the judge wanted to see for himself what Alexis had to say about all of this. She was only three."

"Oh."

"Before she went in there, she was shaking like a leaf. She was in this long-sleeved blue dress with one of those white collars around her neck, and it tied in a bow in the back. I remember that I couldn't get the bow to stay; it kept unraveling. That bow was mocking me. It was taunting me-I couldn't even dress my daughter on one of the most important days of either of our lives."

She wanted to say something, to be reassuring for the nervous, wretched man he had been then, divorcing his actress wife like something out of a tabloid. But he wasn't that man any longer. And she didn't want to give him the wrong idea.

"She had on white tights. Mary Janes. Mother had pulled her hair back on either side with these animal barrettes. Her eyes were wide and she wouldn't let go of my hand. I wanted to stop it. I wanted to tell Meredith to forget it. I didn't want Alexis to have to do this."

Kate could still hear remembered agony in his voice, like it had been yesterday. She wasn't sure she could get over this story-wasn't sure she'd ever see Rick Castle in the same way after hearing the desperation in his voice tonight.

"I got down next to her and had to pry her fingers from around mine. I told her that the judge was a nice man who was going to ask her some questions. I couldn't even tell her about what. Couldn't even try to explain it. Family court doesn't let you prompt the witness, right?"

Kate made a soothing noise in her throat, surprising herself even, and felt her cheeks blush in the darkness. Why was she trying to ease Castle's mind? This had been years ago.

"But I told her, I told Alexis, 'If you're scared, if you just can't do it, I'm right outside. I'll be right by the door and all you have to do is yell for me and I'll come get you.'"

"Does Alexis ever yell?" she said with a smile, hoping to break the tension mounting in his story.

Castle chuckled and reached across the seat to squeeze her hand, dropping it immediately. Still, Kate was stunned. Her hand was numb on the seat between them.

"No, she's always been a timid kid. But I heard her anyway. I was as close as I could get, and I heard her crying, and I ran in."

And then it clicked for Kate. "The bailiff outside the judge's door didn't get you first?"

She heard the smugness in his voice. "Not even close. I had Alexis in my arms before the bailiff even knew what was going on."

"Contempt of court. Resisting arrest."

"Contempt of court, Detective. And while the bailiff tried to subdue me, I might have kicked him-twice. Resisting arrest. I got off with a fine. I got Alexis as well."

"How's that?"

"Meredith came in behind the bailiff with her lawyer and she was telling the judge some nonsense about how rough I was with her, that this was proof, but Alexis was crying into my neck while the bailiff was handcuffing me. She wouldn't let go. I was bent over, trying to explain, trying to calm her down, my hands behind me, and the bailiff was pissed and flustered and trying to haul me up, and Alexis had both arms locked around my neck."

It made her heart clench to imagine. Kate's hands were in fists and she only noticed when her nails began digging into her palms.

"The judge waved the bailiff off, and I was on my knees in front of Alexis, hands still cuffed behind me and Meredith yelling at me-I guess that was proof enough for the judge. He gave me custody and an exorbitant fine, and I walked out of there with Alexis. She had nightmares for two weeks, so she slept in bed beside me. I'd wake up in the morning with a three year old burrowed at the back of my knee or a little arm flopped across my nose."

Kate laughed at that, grateful for the release, picturing little Alexis hogging the bed. "I'm glad you got her, Castle. She's a wonderful girl."

"It's not my doing. I've just gotten to witness it."

"I don't think she'd be half as confident or as compassionate if it weren't for you." Kate blushed again, mentally hitting herself for the sentiment. It wasn't like he needed her confirmation. And it revealed entirely too much about herself to say it. "You made the right choice."

But Castle didn't seem to notice. "I don't know about right. I just made the best choice I could given the circumstances."

Kate nodded. "Isn't that what all of us do? The best choice we can. We just have to hope that, given enough time, the good wins out."

She fingered her father's watch, not wanting to dwell on old memories but unable to shake their lingering impressions. After her mother's death, she'd reached a place where she wasn't sure that good ever could win out. It was gratifying to know that it was possible again, that there were stories like Castle's out there.

So that explained his first divorce. And she couldn't fault him for ending it. It wasn't entirely for Alexis's sake, she knew better than that. But she did believe that he'd seen it as his only option when confronted with the serious responsibility of being a parent. Alexis had deserved better from her parents than Meredith was willing to give, so Castle had extricated them from Meredith's influence. Honestly, Kate had a sneaking suspicion that Richard Castle was actually just as much a 'one and done' kind of person as she was.

And that was frightening.

* * *

><p>Alexis had always known what it was to be alone. Not lonely, just solitary. She was an only child; she lived with her single parent father; his fame and wealth carried with it a certain isolation that not even a cultured, expensive private school could overcome.<p>

Her friends giggled over her father's celebrity bachelor status and wanted to read the sexy passages from his books. Her boyfriends were usually too starstruck to get very far. Her teachers all wanted to send notes home which might later have to be signed. Her mother wanted to be photographed shopping with her daughter. Or her mother wanted a darling daughter's devoted sympathy for the part she hadn't received or the stylist who hadn't done his best. Alexis knew how to maintain a polite but efficient distance with anyone not in her immediate family. Her mother was not in her immediate family. At first, Grams wasn't in her immediate family either, but after the older woman had lost her savings to a con artist and come to live with them, Alexis had established an actual relationship.

Besides, Martha Rodgers was so free and generous with herself that Alexis couldn't help but open up, crack the shell. Granted, it only reinforced her belief that anyone not already a Castle was to be held apart-hadn't Martha allowed her lover too close? But Alexis was a smart enough girl to know this about herself and so she treasured her relationship with her grandmother.

And now Kate Beckett. Her father's complete delight in the detective's company put Kate on an immediate fast track, but it was the woman's straightfoward assurances that made Alexis respect her. And with respect came a certain amount of openness.

It didn't scare her. She wasn't afraid of close relationships. She had best friends, after all, but she had them carefully placed and knew exactly how to act and what to do to maintain her status and friendliness. She wasn't cold. She was actually a warm and caring person who honestly sought the good in others.

But she was also solitary, a world apart. She wasn't like her father; she was nothing like her mother. When she was little, she had longed to be exactly like her mother, but she had grown out of that and now saw her father as her white knight, her champion when all others failed, saving her from her mother's shallow wildness.

Her grandmother was a force of nature that kept Alexis from getting too old too fast. She knew that. How her grandmother managed to take such effortless joy in all things, Alexis had yet to comprehend, but she basked in it nevertheless. She knew she needed both her grandmother and her father in her life, to help her not take things so seriously. They were nothing like her-and that was a good thing.

But Detective Beckett? Kate Beckett seemed a lot like her. Kate pushed her father to be better. She wanted the truth and she wanted to help people in some of their darkest times. She paid attention. She observed. She didn't speak incessantly or prattle on. She could be funny. She was obviously awkward with unwanted attention.

Alexis had learned how to be graceful in the face of such attention; she knew Detective Beckett could learn. She would just have to want to.

If her father managed to convince Kate to come for dinner, then Alexis felt it as a step in the right direction. She had never played these kinds of games before. Had never wanted to. But she had seen a difference to her father these last couple of years that she hadn't realized she'd longed for.

She still didn't know what that difference was, or why it fit into this needy place inside herself. The closest she'd come to describing it was that she saw less of the famous writer and more of her father. If that made any sense.

He still wrote. He still pulled all-nighters because he'd put of deadlines. He still got giddy before a book tour and obsessive over the critics. But in all of these things, she never had to actually witness the shift from famous author back to father. It was like father had been there all the time now.

And Alexis was laying it at the feet of Kate Beckett.

* * *

><p>He wasn't thrilled about spilling his guts on the taxi ride to his loft, but it had gotten her here. He'd instructed the cab driver to pull up about a block away to avoid disembarking at the front entrance, and as soon as Kate had stepped onto the sidewalk behind him, Rick was calling his doorman.<p>

Kate looked askance at him, but he paid the cabby and grabbed her hand to keep her from walking ahead of him. He stayed on the sidewalk and waited until Sid picked up.

"Sid, my man. How's the front door looking?"

Kate was still beside him, and he realized he still had a hand circling her wrist. He didn't want to give it up.

"Good evening, Mr. Castle. I've got three or four lurking. They scatter like birds when I step outside, but I think the back door's clear."

"Excellent. We'll go in the back, then."

Rick ended the call and slid his phone back into his pocket. He couldn't resist rubbing his thumb, very briefly, along Kate's bony wrist before dropping it.

"There are reporters outside your door?"

"Paparazzi." Castle sighed and turned at the next block to circle his apartment building. "Sid keeps an eye out for me. I'm assuming you don't want pictures of us appearing in tabloid magazines tomorrow morning."

"You assume correctly," she said with a laugh. "I've been to your place before; I've never seen paparazzi-"

"Well, with the book hitting the Times bestseller list, I've become fodder. They're pretty good about letting Alexis get away unscathed, but anyone with me-free reign."

She said nothing more to this and he wondered if it bothered her. Of course it did. Did he really need to wonder? Kate Beckett was one of the most private people he knew. That was one of the reasons he'd called ahead.

"Thanks for thinking of that, Castle."

He was surprised by the gratitude, and had to hide a smile in the darkness. "Any time. But it's too bad. Rumors like that sell books."

She socked his arm as they walked, and it had some punch to it, knocking him off balance a little. Kate laughed at him as he stumbled back to her side, rubbing his shoulder.

"Apples, apples," he muttered, and was surprised again by her dry chuckle. It wasn't a belly laugh, but it was definitely more than he had expected from an afterthought of a joke. A worn-out joke at that.

"What are we having for dinner?" Kate asked, shoving her hands deep into the pockets of her jacket.

Castle glanced over at her as they walked and felt the worry niggling at him again. When he'd come back to the station in handcuffs and definitely in the doghouse, he'd spent all of his time trying to mend broken fences-fences he still wasn't clear about why they were broken. He hadn't been paying attention to every little detail.

But what he had noticed was the way Kate's wrist bones protruded through her skin, the hollows under her cheekbones that gave her a refugee look. He had noticed the baggy shirts and the pants that didn't fit as tightly as before. Her collarbone-the ridge rising up under the skin below her neck was deep with shadows.

Hadn't she eaten a thing all summer? In the month that Rick had been back at her side, she had skipped or missed lunch every day so far. He was ready to wrestle her to the ground and forcefeed her by Friday afternoon. He could usually manage to shovel a little extra sugar in her coffee or stop by the vending machines and get her an extra of whatever he got. Of course, it meant that Rick himself had added a few pounds, trying to tempt her with various food items in the guise of having a snack.

So he was more than grateful for just Alexis's sake. He was also glad of the opportunity to shove some calories down Kate Beckett's throat.

Just this week, Esposito had explained something he hadn't understood. It had taken some prying, and mostly it was information he was putting together with things Ryan had said on his own, but it had opened Castle's eyes.

He'd discovered that Kate had broken up with Demming the very day he'd gone to the Hamptons with Gina. He'd never been patient, but her cursed his lonely and desperate heart for not waiting at least one more day for Kate to come around. He had pursued her hard, as a friend even, and he hadn't given her the time she needed to come around.

And he regretted it. Deeply. All week Castle had the feeling that he had lost his chance with Kate Beckett, whatever it might have been. She was over him. She had spent her summer solving murders at a furious rate (he had used Ryan's computer to look up their cases for the past few months). And apparently, in the midst of all that work, she had stopped eating decent meals and had gotten over him-Rick Castle.

Or at least gotten over the idea of him. So much so that when he'd shown up at a crime scene, her first instinct was to draw her gun on him and have him arrested.

He felt like he was starting from square one. He'd proved his worth to the station, to Kate's solve rate, but he had erased whatever personal trust she'd put in him. Her heart was still firmly her own. Her walls were reinforced. She considered him a tolerable asset to an investigation. Nothing more.

Except she was coming home with him tonight. For dinner. And because Alexis had wanted her to. And maybe because he'd forced her into his family issues once more. But still. It was a step.

He needed to find a way to erase that moment with Gina. Bring back the shy and awkward Kate who had wanted to tell him something. Something he'd been too caught up to see.

She must have been thinking along the same lines, because she suddenly said, "Gina must be pleased by the attention."

"For the book, sure. Yeah, of course. More money for her." He wondered if she could possibly be probing him for answers. "But you know, she always drops me the moment she gets what she wants. She was all sunshine and smiles when she still needed me to deliver the manuscript."

Castle listened in the silence for a clue from Kate. But there was nothing. Not even reassuring noises that she was still listening. So he kept going.

"That's usually how it goes. We were best buds this summer and then the book was in and she left the Hamptons and I puttered around by myself out there, missing-"

He took a deep breath, surprised that he'd almost told her he had missed her. Had he? Of course. "Missing Alexis. And then she was done with the college thing and we hung out for the rest of the summer."

She made a noncommittal noise in her throat, but they were at his back entrance already and so Rick let it drop. He wanted badly to know if she'd known that yet, that Gina had disappeared from his life just as before, that it had never been anything other than loneliness, but that wasn't an excuse either.

It wouldn't excuse him in her eyes. He saw that now. It was betrayal, pure and simple, never mind that they hadn't even been in a relationship to begin with. He had invited her and she had said no, but she must have been thinking about it, because that night, that last night, she had looked hesitant and eager and brimming.

And he had thought it was all about Demming. And he'd let Gina make him feel less lonely. Biggest mistake ever.


	4. Chapter 4

She was a little disgusted, even to shake her head at her own foolishness at the beginning of summer. Foolish to think he was anything different than from what she had expected.

Only he had done such a good job of making her believe that he had changed, was changing, that he made the best choices he could in the situation and hoped the good won out. With Alexis, with his failed marriages.

She still had a sour taste in her mouth from that night at the beginning of this summer. Which was interesting, because last summer he had gone behind her back to investigate her mother's murder.

Well, that had turned out better than it appeared on the surface. Castle was responsible for her finding a majority of the answers she'd always obsessed over. So while it seemed a stupid move on his part, she had to give him credit for coming to her with his findings instead of just dropping it altogether.

Kate pushed aside her lingering aches and let Castle scope out the lobby before following him to the elevators. The front of his building was a lot of window, but the elevators were hidden from view. She stood with him in silence, frustrated with herself for still not being over this summer.

She had moved on. It was time to stop dwelling over the past. She had been wrong to assume that his friendliness and teasing were anything special; this was just the Castle m.o.

She got off the elevator first and proceeded him to the door, waiting while he unlocked the loft. Alexis bounced up from the couch and grinned widely at them. Martha had started on the wine and was in the middle of a story or something, because she had swept one arm out in a grand gesture just as they walked in.

"Darling-and Detective Beckett! How lovely." She shooed Alexis on ahead of her and reached them in time to press air kisses to their cheeks.

"It's Kate," she said and slowly took off her jacket as Alexis stood waiting for it. "Call me Kate."

"Kiss me, Kate?" Castle said, turning back to her with a raised eyebrow.

He got a smack from both his mother and her, and his mother said, "Behave."

Kate couldn't help the small smile that cracked. Alexis had hung up her jacket and was pulling her towards the kitchen.

Kate grabbed Castle's sleeve as he made to move past her. "Wait. Castle."

He paused and the whole group paused, and she felt her cheeks growing hot, but this was ridiculous. She lifted the back of her shirt and detached her holster, holding it carefully out of Alexis's view.

"My weapon," she said gently, and backed away from the group.

Castle's face did something strange, like reality had just intruded and he was both surprised and rebuked by its appearance. She was embarrassed she had agreed to this dinner, and wished she'd gone home instead.

"My safe," Castle said, taking her elbow and pulling her away from the kitchen. "If that's ok. You don't have to have it close at hand, do you?"

"What do you mean?" Was this some kind of psychological test of his? Ever deeper into the mind of Nikki Heat?

"I don't know the rules. Are you still technically on duty?"

She smiled a little, cradling her weapon in its holster. "Not on duty. And I don't keep my gun on me when I get home. So the safe is ideal, with Alexis around."

He nodded and opened his office door, then turned on the lights, revealing all his little gadgets and toys.

"What am I saying?" she laughed to herself. "It's better in the safe with you around."

"Hey now," he warned, giving her a sly grin in return. "It's so cool in here, isn't it?"

She gave him a roll of her eyes in response but glanced around the room as she turned away from him, noting the touches. She could tell he spent most of his time in here, and recently, judging by the half empty water glass on a stack of bills beside his laptop. She had never seen him pay bills before.

He had a floor safe just under his desk which he was now opening right in front of her.

"Castle?" She averted her eyes. "Don't you want me to turn around while you do that?"

He grunted as he pulled the door open and then laughed at her modesty. "If I have to worry about you stealing from me, then this city's got bigger problems than we knew."

She wouldn't. But still. Kate shook her head at him and placed her weapon inside the safe, then tucked her badge in after it out of habit. She froze with her hand inside, debating whether or not to take it back out, but then sighed and left her badge in the safe.

"And there goes Detective Beckett," Castle said softly, shutting the door on his safe. "I wonder what Kate is like? Perhaps something of an exhibitionist? Or maybe a closet knitter?"

She couldn't help the laugh that sneaked out of her mouth; she gave Castle a head shake for it and stood up.

He was smiling back. "So Kate is a laugher. Is she also ticklish?"

Kate immediately stepped away from him, putting up both hands in warning. "I may not have my weapon, but I do know plenty of ways to kill you with my bare hands, Castle."

He held up his own in surrender. "Fair warning. Got it." She was still wary as he came towards her, but he only moved past her and through the door. "Come on, Kate. Let's get dinner."

* * *

><p>Normally at dinner, the Castle family served themselves from the stovetop or the counters. Someone would lay out plates and forks, and then everyone grabbed what they needed. But Rick wanted Kate to eat more than her usual, so he served up everything himself and set their plates before them.<p>

Alexis gave him a funny look and Martha sighed at him, but Kate glanced down at her plate with something that looked like trepidation. Perversely enough, it made Rick smile and he had to hide it into his first bite.

Lasagna. Thick pasta, heaps of melted cheese-of course, it was made with ground turkey, out of consideration for Alexis's picky constitution, but that was good protein. He doubted that Kate had eaten something so rich in calories and good stuff since before the summer, judging by the constant shadows under her eyes and the way her bones jutted through her skin. Even her hip bones, when she stretched and he could see them through the billowing shirt.

Rick ate his meal with relish, mostly because he could see Beckett in his peripheral vision reluctantly taking bites. It was good, of course, but it was also one of their usual meals which Alexis made. She liked getting everything together, making a meal, having people around to eat it. She said it was soothing, which was something Rick actually understood. He enjoyed cooking as well, the creating aspect of things, and showing it off to the people he loved.

When he and Alexis had things in common, he held those things dear. So he encouraged the cooking, and was grateful to her for choosing this particular recipe tonight. Kate was positively looking pale as she moved things around on her plate.

Alexis seemed to sense something amiss, because she gave her father a questioning look and then hesitantly queried Kate. "It's ground turkey-is that ok? Oh, wait, are you a vegetarian?"

The genuine dismay in her voice snapped Kate out of her eating funk. Rick hid his grin behind his fork as she sought to reassure his daughter.

"Oh no, it's fine. It's very good, Alexis. Did you make it?"

"Yeah. I like to cook at least once a week. Otherwise it's a sandwich or waffles-Dad's specialty."

"Hey now. I can make more than waffles. Remember that Greek salad?" He pointed his fork at her in warning.

"Oh yeah, that was great! I'd never had that before." Alexis took a swallow of her water and gestured to Kate. "You should come over on Greek salad night. That was so good."

"Feta?" Kate asked, her fork still at her plate.

Rick nodded. "But really it's the vinaigrette dressing that makes it."

"Sounds good, Castle."

He smiled back at her and waited a moment too long, waiting to see if she would keep eating or use conversation as a distraction. She frowned at him, as if she could tell he was up to something, so Rick carefully buried another mouthful and looked back at his plate.

"Oh, we have bread too!" Alexis jumped up from her seat and ran towards the kitchen.

Rick half-stood to watch her check the oven. "There was bread in the oven?"

"I had already turned it off. Just letting it stay warm in there. It should be ok." Alexis grabbed the pan of toasted garlic bread from the oven using the potholders she had made back in third grade. Bright purple with orange and yellow streaks that should've been a design. He loved those potholders.

"Put them in that wooden bowl-"

"Which bowl?"

"The one on top of the fridge. Yeah, that's it. And bring it over to the table." He watched her a moment more, to make sure she had it under control, and then turned back to the table. Kate was looking at him strangely, her hair falling softly around her face. It was long. The longest he'd ever seen it, and she'd let it hang naturally so that sometimes it waves a little around her eyes.

Alexis interrupted their staring contest by dropping the bread onto the table and chatting about something-which he missed. Martha laughed and took up the thread of the conversation, which he figured out was something about a play they had gone to see last weekend.

Kate suddenly broke in. "I read that play in college. It's performing here?"

Castle listened intently to his mother's explanation of the theatre's location, tried to picture where that was. "I think I know the place."

Kate looked at him with a frown. "I used to know the theatre district so well. But I have no idea where that is."

Castle jumped at the opportunity. "We should go. I'll take you. Mother, how long is it running?"

Before Kate could refuse, Alexis was jumping in with an explanation of the street and the major intersections, and Martha was giving him the run dates and suddenly they had it settled.

"Tonight. We can make it if we hurry-oh, you've barely eaten-"

"No, no, I'm good. I can eat fast," she said, which completely knocked him off balance. Rick felt his chest expand at the burst of joy that made her lips go crooked, and even as he watched, she was pushing another forkful into her mouth, her eyes not meeting his but shining.

He looked at Alexis in sudden inspiration. "You want to come see it again with us?"

Alexis hesitated, which he knew meant she'd really like to, but felt obligated by homework or by the idea that this might be a date-and it wasn't, not at all-and so she shook her head.

"Alexis, if you want to come with us, you should. Forget your homework."

Martha gave him an eyebrow raise and not very subtle look at Kate, and Rick warned her off with a shake of his head.

"Really?" Alexis glanced to Kate. "But I have already seen it. . ."

Kate swallowed thickly and knocked back a gulp of water. "Please come. It'd be fun." And everyone at the table knew she meant *easier*.

"Well, okay," Alexis looked again to her father, but Rick was still nodding at her.

She smiled broadly and came around the table to hug his neck. He loved that look on her face; he'd do anything to put it there. Like she'd been picked first for kickball on the playground. That was the same joy and pride he'd seen when she was three years old and had conquered the big kid slide.

"Okay, scarf down your meal and let's go." Rick had already finished his off, so he picked up his plate and rinsed it off, loading it in the dishwasher. "Mother, will you run these after we leave?"

"Of course. I might be out when you get back though." She waved off his questioning eyebrow and he knew not to ask more. If it was a date, she was superstitious enough to clam up before she could jinx it; if it wasn't a date, it might be something he wouldn't want Alexis to know about. Sometimes that still happened.

Alexis was gulping the last of her water, still standing to make a hasty escape from the table. "Can I be excused? I need to change."

"Oh no, you don't," Kate said, grabbing her own plate. "I've still got my work clothes on. You're not changing."

Alexis laughed and took Kate's plate from her, then gave both of them to her father. "Come on, I'm in jeans! You look so put together; let me at least change into pants."

"She's right, Kate. Even in work clothes, you look good." He winked at her and finished loading the dishes.

Alexis shot for the stairs as Kate gaped at him. He dried his hands on a dishtowel and came around the island towards her. Martha had disappeared to her room and it was the two of them in the open kitchen.

"I've got the whole day still on me-" she hedged and backed away from him.

Rick pushed in closer and tugged at the sleeve of her tasteful black sweater. He could see the play of her red silk shell at her collarbones and it had entranced him all day. "The whole day looks good on you."

"Can I at least use your bathroom?"

And that effectively interrupted whatever it was he'd been playing at-flirting or serious seduction, he wasn't sure himself.

"Of course," he said, and gestured for her to follow.

* * *

><p>She wasn't sure how he'd done this either. What was wrong with her today? But when Ash had shown up at the theatre after a sly text from Alexis, and that look on his daughter's face, Castle had paid for him as well. As well. Yes, somehow he'd managed to procure their tickets before she could even locate the box office. So now she owed him one.<p>

At her hesitation, he'd tried to reassure her. "Doesn't mean anything, Detective. Look, I paid for Ashley and he and I aren't dating. We're not even friends."

Ashley had given a nervous laugh, Alexis had rolled her eyes, and then walked arm in arm with Ashley down the main aisle until she found their seats. Their very close, probably quite expensive, eighth row seats. Kate could kill him.

Except the show was so good. And funny. She hadn't remembered the details too well, only that she'd liked it in class, but there were some really clever lines that she was sure hadn't been as funny when reading it in class. The actors were first rate, as they almost always were in New York, and the director had added some spice to the whole thing with his stage set-up.

After a few musical pieces, Kate found herself laughing out loud and following the action closely. She was so wrapped up in the story that she forgot to be frustrated with Castle's manipulation or wary of his intentions. She was just, finally, enjoying the show.

Castle, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying her. He'd somehow managed to arrange things so that she sat sandwiched between himself and Alexis, with Ashley on the other side of his date. Kate was surprised Castle had let Ashley get so far away from him, especially with the way the seats fit together so snugly that everyone had their knees pressed against each other.

Castle's left knee was digging into her thigh. He'd had to angle his body so he wouldn't take up space on his right, where a large woman in a black sheath dress was chuckling loudly. The heat coming through the material was nice, in a weird, comforting way. So she didn't move away. Also, she wasn't sure she could-the space was that tight.

Her gun was strapped in. She couldn't bear to leave it at Castle's place, since she'd not gone out of her own apartment without it since. . .since forever. And it kept her options open. If the whole thing felt uncomfortable or Castle got out of control, then she didn't have to go back to his place. Not that she wouldn't, just that-

Kate narrowed her eyes at the stage, frustrated with herself for her stupid, girly mind wanderings. Take it one moment at a time. They were friends. Which was probably more than they'd been two years ago. Although last year, their friendship had kinda taken a backseat to a distinct sense of boundaries; it hadn't been quite as easy to just get together and hang out. Why was that?

Well, anyway. She dismissed it and paid attention to the play, pushing her mind back to the stage.

Castle's knee twitched, shifted, and pushed her kness closer together. Playfully, she shoved back, giving him a fierce look. He made an apologetic face before he caught on, and then he leaned in to chuckle into her ear. "Normally, I'd be making a play. But it's too tight in here."

His voice was pitched low so as not to be overheard by the actors. She couldn't help the shiver that crawled under her skin as well. She could hear the unsaid dirty joke in his voice; she didn't know how he did it, but there it was.

Instead of moving away from him, like she would have all this past year, she leaned in on the armrest and touched her shoulder to his. Castle gave her a confused look but smiled and didn't move away. What the hell was she doing?

Ashley and Alexis had disappeared the moment the curtain closed for intermission. Castle leaned towards her and asked if she wanted anything, but she shook her head.

"Feel free to go," she said, gesturing towards the aisle. They weren't too far down the row that he couldn't scoot past those that remained in their seats.

He took a moment to study her face, and she wondered what he saw there. But he shook his head and stayed beside her. Which was surprising. He was a social butterfly, flitting from flower to flower in his quest to be liked. That was a harsh, she knew that, but she had never considered the man content to sit still.

Only here he was, at ease in his seat beside her, his shoulder brushing hers in the cramped confines of the theatre, his knees pushed to the back of the seat in front of them, but his face composed, as if content to sit there all night.

"Don't you usually go out there at intermission?" she asked, glancing over at him as he thumbed through the playbill.

"If I'm-" Castle paused, as if to consider the words before they came out of his mouth. No way, she mused, and waited for the rest of it. "If I'm on duty, so to speak."

"On duty?" She watched his thumb trace circles on his knee, the playbill forgotten in his hand.

"You know, doing the media blitz. Show up with the model, the agent, what have you."

"You have to do that? Make an appearance at shows and stuff?"

"Frequently. Don't get to be famous without some hard work."

She noticed, maybe for the first time, the wounded boy behind the scoffing humor. Maybe it was the first time he'd been honest enough to show it, but maybe it was the first time she'd truly put aside her defensiveness to actually see it.

Again she wondered what drew him to death, to murder mysteries and dead bodies and ride-alongs with detectives. Her first meeting with him had centered around her irritation at his nonchalance when confronted with death. She had wanted him to take it seriously, had wanted him to show the proper respect for the dead woman posed in parody of his novels. She had seen only what he let her see-carefree playboy-and she had refused to dig deeper.

And of course, he'd accused her of that when she'd stopped investigating the murders once they found the social worker's crazy patient. She had been blinded by his facade, just as he had wanted her to be, and it was still taking monumental effort to look past it.

Somehow, someway, he must've wanted her to know him, to see past the media blitz. Or else she wouldn't be here, he wouldn't have stuck around, challenging her, demanding her attention and her concentration and her respect.

How had she gotten here? She couldn't dismiss him anymore.

"You think _I'm_ guarded," she murmured.

"What do you mean?" He seemed to have lost track of their conversation. He probably had, considering she'd just spent nearly a minute staring at him in silent speculation. He'd been staring back, and not exactly at her eyes.

"This image you project for the media blitz. You very rarely drop it, you know. Even when it's just the guys at the precinct. And I've seen you in rare form in front of your own family. Like you don't know when to stop."

"Maybe I don't," he said, grinning at her with that devilish look. Still playacting.

"Come on, Castle. You really can't be serious?"

"I can be serious. Just maybe not right now." But he didn't seem to be absorbing her words; he was tossing them off like they were nothing.

She arrested her own thoughts, narrowing her eyes at him. He might seem like he was cavalier, but hadn't she just discovered that he wasn't? That it affected him? So he was hearing her, but he couldn't help pretending like it didn't mean much.

"All right," she said softly. "Maybe not right now. Time and a place, right?"

The flash of emotion across his face confirmed it; but he was still grinning-it didn't even slip. Still, she had seen it, if only for a moment, seen something on his face that was more than just light-hearted.

"That's right, Detective." He flipped his hand over on his knee and nudged her elbow until her hand dropped into his.

She squeezed his back, friendly and open, suddenly feeling like she had all the power here. "That *is* one of the reasons I tolerate you, Castle."

"What is?"

"Your totally inappropriate timing. It does make me laugh." She smiled at him slowly, tracing her thumb along his hand.

"Just tolerate?" He was pouting at her now, brow pulled low, but Alexis and Ashley were at the end of the aisle now and making their way towards their seats.

Kate dropped his hand and stood so they could pass, feeling Castle at her shoulder also standing. As Alexis gave him a pat on the arm as she passed, Castle snagged at her hand.

"Ashley behaved himself?"

Ashley gave a chuckle that got a look from Castle, but Alexis rolled her eyes and pulled free of her father to sit beside her boyfriend. Kate dug her elbow into Castle's ribs.

"What? Can't a dad be concerned?"

Kate lifted an eyebrow and he shrugged at her but left it alone. Castle did try to grab for her hand though, but the theatre was flashing its lights to get everyone back to their seats and she managed to untangle herself from him.

"Are you liking it?" Alexis said, leaning in close.

Kate smiled at her. "It's really good. They've kinda made it into a musical."

"I know! Isn't it great?" Alexis turned to listen to something Ashley was saying, and Kate found her hand snagged by Castle once again.

She sighed as the lights dimmed and couldn't figure out how to work her hand free.


	5. Chapter 5

Rick was giddy. Her hand was cool against his, like ice almost, but that was even better because he had a reason to rub her hand between both of his. She threw him a couple of glaring looks, but she didn't try to remove her hand. Okay, not entirely true. She wriggled every now and again, like she was testing her bindings, but he kept a firm grip.

The rest of the play went by too quickly for him, and soon the house lights were coming on and the actors had taken their curtain calls. Alexis and Kate were talking animatedly about the last scene, which Castle didn't even remember, and Ashley was gathering up his coat and the playbill. Castle still had Kate's hand, and he wondered if she'd forgotten. Oh, no. She hadn't. There it went. Kate took her hand back to shrug on her leather jacket, and Castle did the same. He led the way out to the aisle and waited there for everyone to move past him.

Interestingly enough, Kate stopped beside him and waited for Alexis and Ashley to go ahead of them before walking up the aisle with him, nearly side by side. Alexis was holding Ashley's hand, which kind of needled him in a way he knew was both immature and overbearing, but Kate's hand was close enough to his that they nearly brushed.

And that soothed him a little.

Once he'd held open the theatre doors, and they were in the lobby, back into the crush of people, Alexis reached back to grab Kate's hand. "Don't want to get separated."

Castle grinned and took Kate's hand as well, and they snaked their way through the crowd. Quite a few people recognized him, and Castle had to stop and make nice with a smile and a quick drop of Kate's hand, but all three of them waited just out of range until he'd finished. He was nervous when the Page 6 reporter cast her eyes around the area, clearly seeking out his date, but Alexis stepped up quickly and took his arm.

"Come on, Dad. I'm ready to go."

He shot Alexis a relieved and grateful look, then turned back to the woman with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, have to get my daughter home. It's a school night."

Alexis pulled him away and he turned to find that Ashley and Kate were gone, but Alexis patted his arm confidently. "She's still watching, Dad."

He smiled at her. "Good girl."

"They're both outside, waiting for us."

"Very good girl." Rick leaned in and kissed his daughter's temple, grinning. "You're the best."

"I know." She grinned back at him and leaned her head against his arm. "But what I want to know now is-How'd you get Detective Beckett to agree to this?"

He chuckled. "I honestly don't know."

"I like her a lot," Alexis said softly, still leaning into his shoulder. "More-"

He waited, but she just sighed and shook her head against his arm. "More what?"

"Nothing. Just. I like her."

And then Castle understood what Alexis wasn't saying. More than Gina. He sighed too and wondered again how he'd gotten to this point. It was feeling more and more like a date, and he kept thinking about ways to kiss her. Not that he'd ever grow the pair necessary to do that, but just having those thoughts in his head was, he figured, pretty damning.

"I'm glad you like her. She's a good friend. Saved my life more than once."

"She has?" Alexis pulled away from him and gave him a glare. "I only know about once. What are the other times?"

Castle felt panic crawl through his gut and gave his daughter a smooth smile. "Figure of speech, Alexis. Stop worrying. Nothing to worry about. She's a detective, remember? We hardly ever get into real trouble."

"Your dad's right, Alexis." Beckett had been leaning against the concrete facade of the theatre, but now she approached them both, Ashley at her heels. "Never in any real trouble."

He met her eyes, but was afraid to look too grateful when Alexis was still watching him. "See, sweetie? No real trouble."

Alexis didn't exactly looked convinced, but she glanced at Kate, then back to her father, and seemed willing to drop it for the moment.

"So who was that? Alexis told Ashley to kinda hustle us out of there pretty quick."

She was trying to change the subject. Away from the possibility of his being in real trouble, and back to his being in a different kind of trouble. But he didn't mind. Appreciated the effort actually. "Page 6 reporter."

Kate's face stilled.

"Hey, it's all good," Alexis said intently, pulling at Kate's elbow and leading her down the sidewalk. "You both were gone. The reporter saw me and Dad, that's it. That's all it usually ever is. So you're good."

Ashley looked a little nervous too, so Castle clamped a hand on the boy's neck and walked him down the block as well, following Alexis and Kate closely. They were nearly a block from the theatre before Kate looked back at him.

"She didn't see who you were sitting next to in the theatre?"

Castle shook his head. "She said specifically that she hadn't seen me inside."

Kate absorbed this and then nodded. She seemed to reach some decision because she paused and let Ashley step past her and take Alexis's hand. Castle kept walking and Beckett fell into step beside him. "It would've been fine, you know."

"What's that?"

"If she had seen me." Kate glanced over at him and then flushed a little, shaking her head. "I mean, maybe you didn't want that all over the society pages, I understand. But it wouldn't have made me mad at you."

"It wouldn't?"

"No." She spoke softly, but her voice held steel to it. For some reason, the surety of her decision made him feel good. Really good. Like he'd cleared some kind of hurdle with her.

"I'm glad."

"Well. Good." She seemed confused by her own words, like she'd not meant to say any of this.

"You know Gina and I aren't. . ." Castle gestured, as if to encompass some kind of relationship in the air. "We aren't anymore."

"I know."

He couldn't read that little admission. He had no idea what it meant. If she knew, why hadn't she said anything? Of course, this was Kate, she wouldn't. On the other hand, she did like to tease him about his failed marriages. He had no idea what this meant.

His hand came around hers again, her thin, cold hand. He held on loosely, afraid to draw too much attention to his action.

"Castle."

And here it came. The big brush-off. The soft apology in her voice, the averted eyes, the slow pull of her fingers away from his palm. His chest hurt just knowing it was coming.

"Kate."

"I'm still with Josh."

He knew that. And yet it wounded him in a way he hadn't fathomed it ever would. Wow. For her to have such sway over him after such a short time. For her every word, good or bad, to hold this influence over him. Perhaps it would be better to cut this thing off, keep it from spreading. It was a good thing she was doing to him, letting him down gently.

"Right. Josh. I-I know." If he was a better man, he'd let go of her hand.

But he wasn't. He wanted her, Kate Beckett, and Josh wasn't here right now. So he kept hold of her hand and walked in silence through the City's night, crammed with advertising and lights and tourists and theatre people, letting its noise fill the space between them.

She didn't say anything more, but she didn't shake free of his hand either. And Castle considered that a victory.


End file.
